Foreword xi

Part I THE SCIENCE OF EXTRAORDINARY INFLUENCE

1 The Blue Suitcase Phenomenon 3

Many Leaders Create an Effect They Did Not Intend

2 Words of Life 15

New Brain Research Explains How We Bring Out the Best in Others

Part II HOW EXTRAORDINARY INFLUENCE WORKS

3 Tactical Affirmation 33

Affirming Style and Competence

4 Strategic Influence 51

How to Give Words of Life

5 Words of Death 67

Constructive Criticism Fails Because Our Brains Are Hard Wired for Something Better

6 Alliance Feedback 81

What Seasoned CEOs Know about Helping Others Change

7 Extraordinary Influence for Underperformers 95

Bringing Out the Best in Someone Who Has Lost His Way

Part III SPECIAL APPLICATIONS OF EXTRAORDINARY INFLUENCE

8 Extraordinary Influence for Teams 113

Three Levers for High Performance

9 Motivating High Potentials 129

The Four Transformations to Extraordinarily Influence the Best

10 Performance Appraisals that Lead to Extraordinary Influence 145

How One Famous CompanyThrew Out Its

Traditional Performance Appraisal System and the New Process That’s Reaping Big Gains

11 Special Counsel to Parents, Teachers, and Coaches 161

Extraordinary Influence for Those Entrusted to Our Care

12 What Would Happen If We Put This into Practice? 177

A Call to Action

Acknowledgments 181

About the Author 183

Index 185

Description
The age-old question for every leader—how do we bring out the best in those we lead? Anyone who has run a company, raised a family, lead an army, or coached a team struggles to find the key to help others excel and realize their potential. It is surprising how often we resort to criticism vs. an approach that actually results in a better worker and a better person.

What if we could speak Words of Life that transform those under our influence and ignite fires of intrinsic motivation? What if those we lead found great purpose in what they do and worked at their jobs with all their heart? Isn’t that what leaders, parents and teachers really want? Ultimately, don’t we hope to foster intrinsic motivation so that the individuals we lead become better employees, better students or better athletes? Recent discoveries of brain science and the wisdom of top CEO’s that Dr. Tim Irwin interviewed for this book give us the answers we’ve long sought.

In most organizations, the methods used to provide feedback to employees such as performance appraisal or multi-rater feedback systems, in fact, accomplish the exact opposite of what we intend. We inadvertently speak Words of Death. Brain science tells us that these methods tend to engage a natural “negativity bias” that is hardwired in us all.

Science in recent years discovered that affirmation sets in motion huge positive changes in the brain. It releases certain neuro chemicals associated with well-being and higher performance. Amazingly, criticism creates just the opposite neural reaction. The most primitive part of the brain goes into hyper defense mode, compromising our performance, torpedoing our motivation and limiting access to our higher-order strengths.

How do we redirect employees who are out-of-line without engaging our natural “negativity bias?” Leaders must forever ban the term, “Constructive Criticism.” Brain science tells us that we can establish a connection between the employee’s work and his or her aspirations. This book calls for a new approach to align workers with an organization’s mission, strategy and goals, called Alliance Feedback.